My friends have called me a hipster before, which I deny because I am missing several hipster elements. 1) I never look like the people from this site, lookatthisfuckinghipster.tumblr.com 2) I don’t reek of depression or disdain for society 3) I failed this quiz
I’ve been fascinted with hipster culture since I’ve moved to Brooklyn and began riding the F train. A hipster strikes me as a person that wants to be individualistic but actually isn’t because they look like everyone else: weird sunglasses, mismatched clothes, works in media, skinny jeans, and Converses. Essentially, this guy. While actually wearing different clothes, hipsters all end up wearing the same ironic outfits that give the perception of, “I’m wearing something different and individualistic, yet I’m the same as the person next to me on the F train because I look absolutely ridiculous.” Irony, yea!
Walking to the subway today was remarkable. Not only did I pass a Hummer (whenever I see one of these nowadays, I feel like I’m seeing a horse and buggy–how quaint and outdated is that?!), but I passed a lady in the following ensemble: short, puffy navy and white polka dot dress, black stilettos, harshly dyed black hair, and a navy blue pillbox hat. Oh, and she had an iPhone.
Crazy, sorry, eclectic, non-matching clothes + iPhone= the flight attendant hipster.
Said hipster was walking along with her boyfriend while smoking cigarettes and had the following conversation
GIRL
So like, I said, duuuude, this swine flu thing is real! Don’t you watch the news?! I mean, like, seriously?
BOYstares blankly ahead while taking a long drag on his Marlboro Red.
GIRL
I mean, it’s spread through the air! And….
GIRL takes a drag and a sip from her iced mocha coffee
GIRL
Oh, no! How the hell am I supposed to smoke and cover my mouth at the same time?! This flu is ruining everything!
BOY ignores GIRL completely, wondering how he ended up with someone who dresses like a flight attendant.
What the what?! I think the swine flu is less deadly in Cobble Hill than sucking down Marlboro Reds while wearing a pillbox hat. There’s style and then there’s looking just plain ridiculous.
There is such a fine line between style and ridiculous that hipsters always step over. I don’t know how Urban Outfitters got away with saying that feathers, suspenders, and thread bare clothes made a great ensemble. For the most part, hipsters look like people who went patrolling through their parents closets and took the worst part of the 70s with them. Ugly Liberty of London prints (because there are beautiful ones), boob tube tops that do nothing to flatter your upper region, and a feather bandana? Your mom stopped wearing this for a reason, because it looks absurd. Oh, and shoulder pads, but Balmain brought them back, so those are okay.
People did a lot of drugs in the 60s and 70s and it could only be for one reason–the clothes. And…oh, c’mon! You 
have tiger on your sweatshirt! A purple hued tiger!
Hipsters seem to think that they are being creative, but all they really are doing is throwing together a bunch of random items without any idea of the overall image (i.e. Napoleon Dynamiteness to the right).
Visiting sites like garancedore.fr and thesartorialist.com offer a different world where people have an assortment of craziness, but manage to piece it together into something that is startling, refreshing, and unique.
While these ladies have nontraditional clothes on, they aren’t hipsters because they look happy, content, and delighted to be alive.
So, hipsters, turn that frown upside down, contemplate your wardrobe, and, what the what, sunglasses! Just stop, your future self will thank you.
Such the jokster.
INT. Bagel shop. BRANDLI is holding a Netflix envelope.
“We are watching the Flyers/Penguins hockey game. There is a player on the Flyers whoe last name is Powe. I said that if you married that guy, you would be “KA-Powe”….almost as good as ka-boom!!”
about the Upper East Side at the same time. Talk about multi-tasking!